Yesterday was "R U OK" day, where we turn to people around us, friends, family and strangers and ask if they are truly ok. "How are you” is a question that comes as second nature to saying hello, 99.9% of the time the answer back will be “am good” or “am great" and plunging into details of our lives that are exciting, achieving and wonderful. We hardly or never get into the parts that are painful, difficult or fearful cause we don’t want to be that person - that person that showcase weaknesses and vulnerability to be judged by everyone around us.
So here is my answer to “R U OK”? No am not ok all the time.
Moving to Australia about 18 months ago, starting from ground zero with my life, having to create a new social circle, building new professional relationships, and now a brand new business venture has been a really tough road. I have had some extremely hard days and some really good ones but starting again is never as simple as it sounds. There are days where I miss my family and friends back home. There are days that I miss the ease, familiarity and safety of my previous environment. The comfort of close relationships not yet cultivated in a new place, the loneliness that come in waves leaving me isolated from time to time.
Launching a new venture, being my 3rd, should be easy one would think, has definitely been a challenge. Just like most entrepreneurs, focusing on doing what I love, helping women empower themselves by creating more female thought leaders and roles models, I feel the pressure to constantly achieve, to always be moving in some direction of success and patience not being virtue I possess greatly off, creates anxiety and unwarranted stress, and a lack of a strong professional support system compared to my 2 other businesses is an uphill climb.
So with all of this, I am not ok all the time. I am afraid, stressed, worried, full of anxiousness and have a huge fear of failure. This is the honest truth.
But through the years I have encountered numerous adversities and overcome and have always turned to this quote that I came across 6 years ago and has become a mantra in my life everyday - "temper your ambition with rest, cultivate contentment in the waiting, love without clinging, leave without guilt.”
Everyday I remind myself to balance my ambitions with self care and taking time for myself and not mistake movement with achievement. I know that impatience is my achilles-heel and learning to cultivate patience is crucial as the universe or God will unfold all that is meant for me in the right time, in the right place and finding contentment and gratitude in the present will lead me to achieving my life’s purpose. That I need to cherish all my close relationships without attachment because some people come into our lives and remain forever and some come and go, and some of those that leave can sometimes leave a hole in your heart but I have to learn to let go.
Above all, I remind myself that it is OK to fail because in every failed situation, life has a lesson and with each lesson I continue to grow wiser, stronger and more compassionate towards myself and others allowing me to really connect and emphatise with their stories, fears and frustrations in order to serve others better.
So for all of you out there there is no shame or guilt in feeling not OK. There is no need to pretend that everything is rosy and peachy all the time. Reach out, ask for help, talk to someone because its OK to not be OK.
Lifeline (24-hour crisis telephone counselling) 13 11 14
Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467
If it is an emergency, or the person is at immediate risk of harm to themselves or others, call 000.